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The value of you!

I was umming and arrring about writing this post as I didn't want it to come across as a bitter monologue about certain people and employers behaviour, however if it's one thing i've learnt over the last year is acknowledging the value that you bring.

After becoming ill last year with a chronic bladder infection, I expected Ann Robinson to poke her head out and state "you are the weakest link, goodbye". I think when we are well we take our health for granted and then when we become unwell it's a huge shock to the system. But through illness or health you offer things and are valuable.

I hope that someone reads this blog and thinks 'hang on a minute I do have a lot to offer and I do deserve more.' Whether this is a reflection regarding a job, relationship, friendship etc. I believe it is important to know the value of you and what you have to offer. Unfortunately you get soul stealers along the way. It always makes me think of those Dementors in Harry Potter, - those horrible creepy things that suck the soul right out of you. I'm not sure if JK Rowling created them as some kind of metaphor in regards to people or things that like to suck you dry, take your confidence and make you feel like sh*t. I won't obviously name individuals in this post or employers in the past who I have worked for that made me feel like this, and I am unable to give too many details, but I will give you some examples of some classics:

Job classics:

  1. After leaving a job I had to do a long walk of shame through the middle of the main office where my ex work colleagues sat in silence as I got marched through to another room. - I felt like I had committed some horrendous crime, rather than leaving a job that I loved.

  2. Doing marketing for a project (this wasn't my job, an extra I took on, because no one else wanted to do it), which was praised and approved by a manager, only to be then told they didn't like it in a huge project meeting an hour later. When I asked them why they did that to me they shouted at me - shrug shoulder moment

  3. Going to a new organisation and wanting to support the project by taking on extra duties to support the team to then basically being told that I was just a "job role" and therefore should leave it to others higher up- it was where dreams went to die!

  4. Leaving an organisation after working with them for quite sometime and not receiving a leaving card, let alone acknowledgement from some individuals

  5. Leaving an organisation and receiving a leaving letter which at the top said 'Dear (enter recipient's name)'.

  6. Sitting in a meeting where people started shouting at each other - it was my first day!

  7. Watching staff members get bullied by management- I was young (no excuse), but I would be much more vocal if I saw that sort of behaviour again.

  8. Going above in beyond in a role over a long period of time to then being given a satisfactory remark on my yearly reviews (everybody got the same mark).

  9. Being bullied out of a job - too many examples to give on that one, lol

  10. Being told that I sound like a 5 year old on the phone

There are sooo many other examples I could give but i'd probably be here all night, lol. I know I am not the only person who would have some 'Stephen King' (horror story) moments, but I don't want to dwell on the bad, the bad again and the ugly. My point of this blog is that the above has got me to where I am today. Sometimes you have to kiss a fair few frogs!

A crappy employer, friend, partner is not a reflection of you! Often others have their own issues mainly insecurity that they then feel they have to take others down to make themselves feel better. Unfortunately there are people that will constantly want to rain on your parade and make you feel like you don't 'provide' enough. I was surrounded by these people a lot in my teenage years. I remember being with an ex boyfriend and never feeling 'cool' enough. I found out after we split that he cheated on me a lot in the time we were together. Thank goodness cosmos or whoever decided to take that parasite out of my life, lol. I got to my mid 20's and thought i'm not going to do this to myself anymore with friendships, I thought i'm not going to be surrounded by the 'rain paradors' the unhealthy friendships where people make you feel unworthy and I must say on the whole I have pretty much managed to do this, although there always a couple of exceptions. Unfortunately it took me another decade to understand my value and worth with employers, probably because in the sad way that 'money makes the world go round' and you can't pay the mortgage people with smiles and morals- although I think that is a very valid form of payment!

So what's the answer? It would be naïve and easy for me to say leave an employer who is not treating you right. But I think it's important to know your value, worth and what you have to offer an employer. Perhaps sit and make a list of all the skills you have, not just those that you put on your cv that are ultra impressive, but skills and values that you have or what you are like in the workplace, for example a few of mine would be something like:

  • I make the team baked goods during festivities and when morale is down

  • When I go to the kitchen I do a drinks round (non alcoholic obvs)

  • I'm interested in getting to know people and their lives

  • When managing people I thank them everyday for their hard work and give examples.

You could do a similar list for what you bring to a friendship etc

Once you start reflecting on what you do or can bring to the table I think you then start to appreciate the value of you. Does your employer, friend or partner appreciate this value and make you feel worthy? If not, don't necessarily outright call it a day, it's worth communicating with them about how you're feeling and try to work through it. But I also do not believe it's any kind of failure on your part if you reflect and realise that you deserve better and that you are not going to get it from the organisation, person/s and move on.

I know it's cliché but don't let people steal your sparkle! Life is too blinkin short! If people aren't giving you the boost and the support you deserve then don't be afraid to let them go and think about yourself. This is one of the reasons why I started The Floral Trojan, as I decided I was worth more than some of what I had in the past working for some organisations.

You never know what someone is or has being dealing with. Equally, be other people's champions and boost them up too. It costs nothing to offer encouragement and kind words. I'm very lucky to have had many champions support me along the way and I will be forever grateful for their support.

Keep shining like the star you are and help brighten the other stars out there too because it would be a stunningly beautiful sky!

Thank you for reading!

If you fancy sharing some toe curling stories of rain paradors comment on this blog (please leave out names of people or employers). Equally if you have some nice champion or positive stories we would love to hear them too!

Take care


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